I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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