Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
