At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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