Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Is Oprah even human
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
