My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
