Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
