I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
