The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
