idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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