After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
