i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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