I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
