Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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