i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
