am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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