I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
