marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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