She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
