Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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