She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
