i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
