Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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