Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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