I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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