I got chris browned last night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
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