she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The chlamydia really affected his face.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
