dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
