Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize