I think i peed on brittanys purse
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
