His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
