I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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