im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Randomize
