office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
