I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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