I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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