she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
