I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
