Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
