put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
