Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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