proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
