just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
