i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
