I wannas sexs uuuuu
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you win again, gameday.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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