we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
