I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
