just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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