is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
