her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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