dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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