you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
