better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
