well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
