Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
