we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
