so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
