i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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