Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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