She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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