Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
