as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
