when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
