Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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