I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
