I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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