she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
