You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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