doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
