it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
