just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
