The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
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My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
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i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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