guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
