yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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