I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you had me at cake vodka
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
