smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
