I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
