so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
either way he was missing a nipple.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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