i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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