Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My ass is underappreciated
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
