These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
