ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
