i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
