Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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