Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
