Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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